.gone.were.the.days.

Wala akong maisip. Wala na ako sa sarili ko. I don't know when was that time I suddenly felt na everything is becoming so monotonous already. UP-Arki-AS-Math-Katips-Vice Versa and fun in between. Plates-more plates-and even more plates and I'm not having fun anymore. Akala ko I have this "passion" for arki...pero bat nagsasawa nako???...where's "passion" there kung nagsasawa ka???...then I realized, siguro passion too, like everything else, has a limit...or hindi pa ako ganun kapassionate sa ginagawa ko...nasustain na ng "passion" ko ang two years...and sana the remaining three (or more) years...I have a long long way to go para mas maging intense pa ang love ko for this thing...pero pano mo ba masasabing you are passionate on something kung nagsasawa ka??? di ba kung passionate ka on something, dapat walang limit ang love??? ....hay, I'm lost!!...siguro hindi pa ganun ka-intense ang love ko for this kasi marami pa akong gustong gawin and I'm left undecided kung ito na ba...But definitely, there's passion...I love arki...I'm not gonna shift!...gragradweyt akong arki...pero pano mo gagawin ang isang bagay na puno ng pressure na may passion???..di ba dapat hindi mo nafifeel ang pressure kung may passion ka sa ginagawa mo kasi you should be enjoying what you're doing??? Damn pressure!!! Dapat walang pumipilit. walang pinipilit. walang humahabol. walang hinahabol...huhu...I'm super lost!...maybe I'm not yet ready for college life...(two years have passed tpos ngaun ko lang mrerealize??)..siguro dahil, sa stage na to, I have to choose the life I wanna have...and it's so critical...napakarisky...what if I'm not meant for arki and I'm meant for something else na naghihintay lang jan???...pero sana I'm meant for arki the fact na part of me chose to have this life...I know I have to earn the things I wanna have...I have to deserve them...kaya kailangang paghirapan para marealize mo ang value nila...I know hindi lahat pa-easy easy lang...kasi wala talagang madali kahit sobrang love mo pa ang isang bagay...kasama ang hirap sa lahat!...walang easy way...at kung gusto mo talaga ang ginagawa mo, makikita mo ang worth ng sacrifices na pinagdadaanan mo...and at this moment, I can't see anymore the worth of having sleepless nights for a plate...Before, I can work for 72 straight hours for a plate and still be happy kahit na sobrang baba ng grade ko...kasi siguro, I know, what I did was worth those sleepless nights...may fulfillment...ganon talaga pag passionate ka on something...but suddenly, nag-iba lahat...I'd rather sleep than work...kahit anong pilit ko, wala na talaga...still, I'm trying to restore the old me...maybe, I wanna do other things...I wanna learn new stuff...I wanna get out of these monotony....i'm so bored doing so many things again and again...I'm in need of a break...i need a detour from this monotonous journey...I wanna go back to hitting those piano keys again...gusto ko ulit mag-aral...nakalimot nako!...I wanna go back to elem and face the mopit, obak, and siao kai again...I wanna go back to high school and have never ending chismisan with my classmates and play my ever favorite pusoy dos with my madadaya playmates...nostalgia, it is!...pero hindi na tayo pwedeng bumalik...walang mr. destiny na magbibigay ng second chance...we have to face the life we chose...we have so much to do and learn...we just have to make each day worth living...and don't forget to have fun!

.nostalgia.

.mising chinese in elem.missing chismis in high school.missing pusoy dos at home.

.I wanna go back. I don't wanna grow old (yet).peter pan syndrome.